I seriously can’t believe that the first half of 2015 is gone. Time has really flown by and it’s scary to think that it might keep going at this rate. As time is moving along and I am heading closer to my thirties – the more I reflect on the person that I am today and how I have changed over the course of my twenties.
I am undeniably a happy, curious and passionate person and I really hope that never changes. I live the way that suits me and try my best to be uninfluenced and ignore the pressure of conformity. In my early twenties, I often felt pressured to stay at a particular job or question my job/career hopping strategy. To be honest, I was quite fearless and often did what my gut told me. I had a strong feeling that no matter what – everything will be alright and if I didn’t take a chance now then I would regret. I had a strong desire to travel, to see the world and to live outside of my comforts.
Now looking back at all the memories of teaching abroad, traveling on my own and truly being alone – I can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment. For I know, if I was ever placed in those lonely situations again where I had no one to seek help from or couldn’t even speak the language that I could make do. I still have a very clear memory of me stating to myself to never complain about the feeling of loneliness because I didn’t know the true meaning of being lonely until those hard moments. (please let me know if you would like to hear the story of me being misdiagnosed with SARS and being placed in the hospital with no one to communicate)
Fast forward a few years – despite my best efforts and not even realizing, I have changed. I have developed more fears through the years and become a bit of a realist. Rather than dreaming up wonders, I have become careful with my hopeful feelings and wishes for the future. In the early years I would say “one day – I will have that”, nowadays I am catching myself thinking “maybe if possible – I could have that…maybe”. My early twenties self would not be proud of this. I would have smacked myself and gone back to singing Britney Spears.
With the rest of 2015 I am planning to reset and bring back my early self. Diminish the fears and keep on dreaming. I must realize that life will be as it should be and that my frame of mind is what shapes it.